Weakness
by Shinata-Riyoko
Summary: "and in my moment of weakness, I cheated." Arizona P.O.V


A/N: So it's about 5am, haven't slept yet, but I can't get this idea out of my head. So please forgive any and all mistakes!

Arizona P.O.V

Robbins. Generations and generations of soldiers. Naval, marines, air force; you name it, and I'll guarantee there'll have been a Robbins. We're taught to be strong, to fight for the things we love, we're taught how to be a good man in a storm. But me? I'm not like that, and in my moment of weakness, I cheated.

Knowing Calliope's history, knowing her fears of being left behind, I still couldn't help myself. I was weak against temptation, and I failed the one person I promised to never let down. I failed the love of my life, the mother of my child.

Doctor Lauren Boswell. A new face. A stranger. She knew I only had one leg, yet she still wanted me. It was wrong, so wrong, and I knew that just being near her screamed danger. But looking at her, talking to her, just for one moment, it made me forget. With her I wasn't reminded of Nick, of Boise, wasn't reminded of the accident, the plane crash, my missing leg, or even the fact that my wife was technically responsible for losing said leg. With Lauren, I was just Arizona Robbins, M.D, an amazing paediatric surgeon, but also, just a normal woman. I couldn't face my fears. I was weak.

Sitting here, watching the love of my life sitting in front of me, tears streaming down her cheeks, I couldn't face her. I was ashamed of myself. I was a Robbins for God's sake, a good man in a storm. But this was a storm I couldn't handle. And I hated myself for it.

"You have every right to leave me Calliope, I wronged you, I don't deserve you"

She doesn't reply, doesn't even make eye contact.

"I was weak, I don't expect forgiveness, I don't deserve it. You and Sofia deserve better"

She's still not looking at me. I don't want them to leave, but I no longer have the right to ask, no right to plead. I broke our vows, I broke us.

"Calli-"

"Stop"

One word. That's better than the silence. Right?

"I'm not leaving."

Wait. What? Taking my silence as cue, she continues.

"I love you, when we said forever, I meant it. We've been through hell, literally, and back and maybe it's partially my fault."

"No Callie-"

She doesn't let me interrupt, she just continues.

"I mean, we never really got to talk about it. Africa, Mark, the car crash, Sofia, Nick ..."

She pauses to finally look at me before going on.

"...Boise, yo-your leg ... Nothing. We never processed anything. We just moved on and hoped for the best."

"You were perfect Calliope. After the crash, I was a bitch. I was mean and depressed and hell to be around. But you stayed, for better or worse, you stayed. You've done your part. But infidelity? That's not part of the plan. That's not -"

"Arizona. I said I'm not leaving. Sofia has already lost one parent; she's not losing another one. Am I mad? Yes. Am I absolutely devastated? Yes. Do I want a divorce? Hell no!"

She declares it with such conviction, staring straight into my eyes.

"I mean, don't get me wrong, this isn't me forgiving you or ignoring the issue or anything. You hurt me deeply and I'm probably gonna be pissed as hell for the next couple of days, hell, weeks even. I can't believe you'd do that to me, but this right here? Us? We've been through too much to just let go. We've fought too long and harsh to get to where we are today. And I'm going to continue fighting. We'll need to talk to someone probably, not just about this, but about everything else too. Everything that we've just swept under the rug, to fester until one of us broke. We'll go get help. But just tell me one thing: do you want to be with her?"

"No"

It's my immediate reply. Being with her made me forget about the past, but it also made me forget how to be human. I didn't think or feel, there was no passion, no desire, just pure lust and adrenaline for that one moment, that one release. Then after, nothing. Nothing but guilt, fear, shame, depression. Nothing, no one can compare to Calliope, how she makes me feel, how lying next to her after we've made love can make me feel so secure. How just lying in her arms can make me feel so loved, so content, so satisfied

I take a hold of her hands and declare with as much sincerity and honesty as possible:

"I love you Calliope. No one else but you. She was a mistake, a mistake I will spend the rest of my life making up to you. I want you, everything else just feels wrong."

She stares at me briefly before withdrawing her hands back and standing up.

"I'm not leaving you, but right now I can't be anywhere near you. I'm taking Sofia and we're staying in Mark's apartment for now."

"How long for?"

"I don't know. As long as it takes until I can be around you without feeling hurt, betrayed, heart-broken."

It's my fault, I wasn't strong enough to resist. My family is falling apart, and I can only watch as my wife packs a few items into a suitcase, knowing that it's all my fault.

"You can see Sofia when she's in day care"

Is the last thing she says to me before leaving with Sofia. I know she's only across the hall, but knowing she's not in the same room as me, the same house, it hurts. And it's all my fault.

I'm all alone now, and will be for the foreseeable future. Time with Sofia will be limited to the hospital only, time with Callie? Well, that'll be strictly limited to whenever she feels generous, or perhaps if we ever have a case together. It hurts, but there's no one here to blame but myself, so I remind myself of that. I did this to us, I don't _get_ to be hurt, and I sure as hell _don't_ get to be angry. It's my fault. Everything is my fault, and I hate myself for that.

I _hate_ that I didn't resist her, I hate that I didn't protect my wife, I hate that I didn't try hard enough, but most of all I hate myself for being so … _weak_.

A/N: I love Arizona, but I really hate this storyline. It's completely out of character, but I suppose AZ does have some lingering PTSD. I still really hoped it'd purely be flirting, or perhaps just a kiss. Didn't expect them to get it on in an on-call room, during a storm/blackouts!


End file.
